sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You were trust falling into bushes
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
