I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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