Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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