No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize