is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
