My friends, they love my intelligence
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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