K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize