You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
