can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
