textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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