why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
