I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
