i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
And he claims I gave him āfuck meā eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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