you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
