I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
