good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
