your parents love me but you hate me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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