Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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