What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
