Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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