got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
