brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
