I have demons in me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
