FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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