You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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