That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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