i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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