What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I could fuck to npr.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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