Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize