i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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