1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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