This is not my ceiling
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
