i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
