Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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