the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
