Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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