Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
