When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
