Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.

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(660): View more from Missouri

We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.

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(440): View more from Ohio

This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.

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(703): View more from Virginia

My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere

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(310): View more from California

My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD

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