Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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