the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
