just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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