that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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