My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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