Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
