i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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