...so i touched it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
