Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
