weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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