Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
