That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
