I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
