Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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