I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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