Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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