apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
