i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
