I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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