omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize