id be glad to
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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