how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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