Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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