You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
