In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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