Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
