First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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