I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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