I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
