his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
