So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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