Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
