I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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