so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
