If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize