sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize