his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
