Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Randomize
