She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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