i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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