No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
soo... how was my night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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