im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
